the real meaning of Christmas

To Believe or not.....in Santa that is! I always knew without a doubt I would teach my children about Jesus, but I never knew I would struggle so much about whether or not I wanted my kids to believe in Santa. I was raised believing in Santa Clause (in fact I believed until 6th grade....thank-you very much Pop). I just assumed I would not only support my kids believing in Santa, but I would help influence their belief (you know, putting foot prints in the flour/ fake snow by the fire place, taking bites out of the cookies and carrots left for Santa and the reign deer, and of coarse writing the annual letter to my kids).

Well, I still do all of the above.....but what I do not do is initiate daily conversations about Santa. Over the last year or so, my faith in God has grown so much. As it has grown, my biggest desire has been to share my faith and share my love for God with my own children. So as this Christmas season snuck up on me, I have really dealt with some guilt about playing up Santa Clause.

The reason I still do go along with the whole 'Santa Tradition' is because it makes my children giddy with delight every time his name is mentioned, but also because it helps keep me humble. I buy gifts simply because I want my kids to be happy, not so that I can enjoy the thanks that I get from my kids knowing I spent hours finding the right gift. It is not about me. Christmas morning is about my kids, and about seeing their eyes light up at their gifts. Christmas season is about Christ, and about learning his desire for all of us in our own life. He was born for one reason and one reason only.....for all of us! He was born for us, now we need to live for him. That is what I aim to teach my kids this Christmas season. I think believing in Santa is most kids' first exposure to having faith. Faith is believing in something that you can't see. Anytime my oldest starts asking detailed questions about Santa,, I always response with ' well, what do you believe?" or "if you believe than you have to trust that it will all work out". My biggest struggle is that if and when my kids ( I sense the time is coming soon for my oldest) do stop believing in Santa will they also stop believing in God. Because Santa and Jesus come teamed up during Christmas, does this mean in a child's mind when one is not real, then the other is also not real? I would love any advice or helpful tips on how you moms have handled this with your own kids. I think the only thing I can really do is continue to teach my kids about God and all that is good even after the Christmas season.

In the meantime, if we enjoy some stories about Santa and some fun holiday traditions, I know I have still done my part and His will. I hope in the busyness of the holiday season, you can keep the Heart of Christmas alive in your homes. Merry Christmas to all of you and God bless you and your families this new year:)

Jackson- 3 months

I am going to start writing monthly letters to Jax so that I can have a way to update all of you, but also to record his first year to someday share with him. This is something I wish I did with my other kids, but I guess the third time is really is the charm. Here is my letter to Jax on his 3rd month birthday.

Dearest Jax,

You are smiling, laughing, and cooing all the time now. You love for me to put you in your chair and let you just watch your brother and sister play around you. I can't wait for you to be big enough to join in. So far, you are extremely laid back for being a third child (I was a 3rd child, so I should know). You only cry when you are hungry or need a diaper change. You eat every 3-4 hours, and have been sleeping through the night since 8 weeks. Although, I don't really count it because you are still in our room and mommy gets up every 3 hours or so to check on you or put your pacifier in your mouth. You still are not fond of tummy time, but you are getting stronger every day. Your hair is still dark brown, and you have yet to loose any of it (nor have you grown any....so you still have your receding hair line). We all love you to the moon and back and are so blessed that you joined our family.

F-E-A-R

One of the most amazing and wisest people that I know told me ' fear stands for False Evidence Apearing Real'. Fear has plagued my life for as far back as I can remember. If it wasn't one thing it was something else. I hated that I lived my life in constant fear, but I felt helpless to change it. There was a period of time before I became a mother where I felt so numb almost like I wasn't really living because I was so frozen with fear all the time.

I credit my wonderful husband with helping me to break down my fears and learn how to simply relax and enjoy life instead of always worrying. He lives his whole life without a single worry because he believes whole heartedly that whatever happens has a greater meaning. Worrying will not change the future, it will only hinder the present.

Recently, fear has creeped back into my home. It has wrapped its ugly hands around both my son and myself. Watching Hunter have to deal with some of the same fears that I dealt with as a young adult was excruciating to watch. I had to remind myself that his fear was a demon living inside his own mind. No matter what his dad and I did or told him to make him feel safe, he had to believe it deep down or none of our actions mattered. After weeks of trying EVERYTHING under the sun, our courageous son has learned to overcome his fear at nighttime. He has developed his own tools that have helped him face his fear head on.

I didn't realize it then, but maybe my son had to go through this trial so that he could move mountains inside my own heart when fear came back into my life. And so here I am.....fearful once again. No matter what I do or say, I can't help but fear so deeply for my own children's safety (especially our newest member). I know all moms go through a similar experience, but I am not sure how many can relate when I say that these thoughts and fears consume my mind 24/7. I know I am being vague, but I am doing so deliberately because giving a name to my fear is giving in and I know that my fears are False Evidence Apearing Real.

I challenge anyone reading this who can relate to pray along side me that we can take my 6 year old son's lead and face our fears head on. I pray that I can let go of my fears about what the future may hold because it truly is not in my control. I HAVE TO BELIEVE that God has a protective hand over my babies and that he will hold them close no matter what life throws at them. I pray that I can let go of this burden of fear and hold on to hope and thankgiving that God gave me these 3 beautiful children for a reason.

So for now, I will revel in the fact that my children are healthy and happy and I will strive to enjoy every second with them....tantrums and all:)

A lesson of thanks

Anyone that knows our story knows that both Paul and I would be lost had we not been given this little guy

...Hunter bear took us by surprise 6 1/2 years ago, and he continues to keep us on our toes. Hunter taught us that we are not in control of our life, and if we just believe than maybe His plan is sweeter and more beautiful than one we could ever have dreamed of.

Thank-you Hunter for giving your dad and I a reason to believe in love and all that is good in this life:)

Little Miss Fashionista

I absolutely love having a little girl. Besides being the most beautiful 19 month old and having the cutest personality ever....(I know I am a biased), one of the parts I enjoy most about being her mommy is getting to dress her. According to my mom, even at Kinley' age I was strong willed when it came to clothes. So I am counting my blessings that Kinley lets me experiment with different looks

And so here you have it.....the many looks of Kinley-Jane

The sporty/casual look

My little punk rocker

Beautiful Buggy

Our newest member

Life with Jax has been as best as I could have expected! Since Jackson has joined our family, Paul and I have learned to work better as a team (you really have to with 3), and Hunter and Kinley have embraced their new roles as big brother and big sister.

Kinley loves participating in 'Tummy Time'

Hunter has figured out when he holds his little brother for me then he can relax on the couch.

Jackson has such a sweet disposition. He is pretty mellow for the most part, really only crying when he is hungry or his sweet sister 'accidently' sits on him. Isn't it funny how we always say ' oh that is impossible, or I don't know how people do it....well, I have learned when it is your life then you just figure it out'. I never thought I would be able to handle two little ones so close in age, but in fact it has been an easier adjustment than going from 1 to 2 kids.

I couldn't have asked for better kids, and a bigger honor o be their mommy:)

And the list could go on

What I have learned as a mommy of 3.....

- Keep a small handheld vaccuum charged and ready to go at all times in the garage.

Pull the car in, perform a quick vaccuum job, get the kids out, and enjoy a clean car the next time you load everyone in. (Sure, you might have to do this everytime you get in and out, but there is something about getting into a clean car that brings about a calming affect).

- Keep snacks handy in the car...for some reason kids get extra hungry when riding in cars

- Keep toys and books on every floor. Easy access to complete entertainment and learning

- Keep diapers and wipes on every floor

- Use totes to organize toys....easy access, but more importantly easy cleanup

- I strongly suggest following some sort of schedule for your kids....we have an elementary age, toddler, and newborn and all three have a much smoother day when we follow a routine or schedule.....the key is to FOLLOW a schedule, but more importantly be FLEXIBLE when your schedule needs a change.

- If you are going to invest in one 'extra expense', I would suggest budgeting for a cleaning lady....it is such a huge stress reliever knowing that at least once a month the house

will get a deep clean, so it's ok if the house gets a little dirty one day, PLUS it allows

you to put that time towards playing with your kids which is priceless.

- Do NOT spend all your time and energy worrying that your kids are being too loud or wild when out in public. This is one area I really struggle with, but I am learning when you focus too much on the negative then you miss out on some pretty memorable moments with your kids. Nine times out of ten, as their mom, you worry more about how your kids are being perceived when in reality the public sees them simply as 'kids being kids'.....so my advice is to just enjoy every second with your kids no matter how crazy they seem

- Network with other moms as much as possible through play dates, mom's night out, church, sports, etc. ....I don't care how much of a super mom you are, you cannot do this parenting thing alone. There are just some things only other moms understand. It has been a HUGE blessing in my life to journey with other moms (who I now call some of my best friends) through the good and the hard times of motherhood.

- Do one thing every day just for YOU. Whether that is working out, putting makeup on, or

just taking a shower make time for yourself so that you have the

- Wake up before the kids. I know it is so tempting to savor every moment of sleep you can get, but it is amazing how more refreshed you will feel when you get a few minutes to your self to drink your coffee and gather your thoughts without little interruptions.

- Take time to read a book or play a board game with your child when they ask. I know how easy it is to say 'hold on one second' to get some chore done, but that one second very easily can turn into minutes, and days, and then before you know it you have a elementary child who you have to ask to play.....trust me, I know.

I am always trialing different ways to make our household run smoother, and I am always learning new life lessons about parenting. The one thing I know for sure is that there is no one right way to do things when it comes to parenting. You have to do what works for you and for your kids. Every family and every household is different, and this is just a small glimpse into ours:)