F-E-A-R

One of the most amazing and wisest people that I know told me ' fear stands for False Evidence Apearing Real'. Fear has plagued my life for as far back as I can remember. If it wasn't one thing it was something else. I hated that I lived my life in constant fear, but I felt helpless to change it. There was a period of time before I became a mother where I felt so numb almost like I wasn't really living because I was so frozen with fear all the time.

I credit my wonderful husband with helping me to break down my fears and learn how to simply relax and enjoy life instead of always worrying. He lives his whole life without a single worry because he believes whole heartedly that whatever happens has a greater meaning. Worrying will not change the future, it will only hinder the present.

Recently, fear has creeped back into my home. It has wrapped its ugly hands around both my son and myself. Watching Hunter have to deal with some of the same fears that I dealt with as a young adult was excruciating to watch. I had to remind myself that his fear was a demon living inside his own mind. No matter what his dad and I did or told him to make him feel safe, he had to believe it deep down or none of our actions mattered. After weeks of trying EVERYTHING under the sun, our courageous son has learned to overcome his fear at nighttime. He has developed his own tools that have helped him face his fear head on.

I didn't realize it then, but maybe my son had to go through this trial so that he could move mountains inside my own heart when fear came back into my life. And so here I am.....fearful once again. No matter what I do or say, I can't help but fear so deeply for my own children's safety (especially our newest member). I know all moms go through a similar experience, but I am not sure how many can relate when I say that these thoughts and fears consume my mind 24/7. I know I am being vague, but I am doing so deliberately because giving a name to my fear is giving in and I know that my fears are False Evidence Apearing Real.

I challenge anyone reading this who can relate to pray along side me that we can take my 6 year old son's lead and face our fears head on. I pray that I can let go of my fears about what the future may hold because it truly is not in my control. I HAVE TO BELIEVE that God has a protective hand over my babies and that he will hold them close no matter what life throws at them. I pray that I can let go of this burden of fear and hold on to hope and thankgiving that God gave me these 3 beautiful children for a reason.

So for now, I will revel in the fact that my children are healthy and happy and I will strive to enjoy every second with them....tantrums and all:)