it's about time

I am writing again, but this time I am writing for me and not to show the world (well...the world can read this, yes I know how technology works....but I am not broadcasting my writing....At least not at this time)

A lot has happened...A lot has changed....mostly me

Paul got a new job working in treasury management. He has lots of opportunity to grow within Wells Fargo. He loves the people he works with, and as always he is great at what he does, but he has a lot to learn. This is the first job he has to travel, so that has been an adjustment but we are making due. It's amazing how much 'energy ' I have when I don't have my better half there to pick up the pieces. We celebrated 5 years of marriage (almost 6 in July), and truly could not be happier. He has taught me more about life and faith than I could ever imagine. And I don't mean he has had some profound words or preachings...bc he hasn't. He has just loved me through some crazy decisions and shown me through example that there IS NO POINT IN WORRYING....life has a funny way of working out. I believe that whole heartedly. I have always believed that, but now I know it to be true, right?!

My kids have become these LITTLE people with BIG personalities who I just want to spend every waking moment with (by waking....I mean when I want to sleep, I do not want to be any where near them....but when I am awake both physically and mentally...yeah I love them to pieces).

 Hunter is 9, and reminds me so much of his dad....but in a 9 year old body. He has a humor like none other. He is so quick witted. He get's things....he gets when I am stressed or sad or ready to have fun. He gets it all, and I could not have been blessed with a better first born. He is so social which is both a blessing and a curse because he loves being around people, he is so adaptable, and makes friends easily, but when no one is around the boy cannot figure out how to pass time. I guess its a good thing that my kid will never be lonely, right?!

Kinley is 4, and is all girl. I am learning that I must have no idea how to handle a girly girl a.) because I was the complete opposite ...i.e. I wore  a boys bathing suit until I was 7 and b.) I have bought her a bike TWO YEARS in a row...and she has yet to enjoy either one. She wants to play with ponies and dolls and dresss-up and color. I seriously need to stop making her be something she is not, and be thankful that I won't have to worry about stiches or tics from playing in the woods anytime soon. She is all girl, but fiercly independent (the best kind, right?). She is the smartest 4 year old I know. SHe knows all of her sounds, can read a few two letter words, and can right her name. So who the h*** cares if she can't ride a tricycle. I love my girl beyond anything else, but can I just say I am so thankful God entrusted only one girl to me...lets just say surprisingly I have a lot to learn, right!?

Jackson, 'Jax', my baby, my challenge, but my child who is most attached to muahh. I can safely say now he is one of the sweetest, smartest, most amazing little boys I have ever met (along side his bro). He is FILLED with energy, but when given the right outlet, he just loves to have fun. He often reminds me in the most perfect moments that life really is not that serious. His best friend is 'sissy' ( I have not yet heard him call her kinley). He loves....no I mean he is OBSESSED with balls. He can dribble a basketball and look coordinated. Unfortunately he cannot hit a baseball off a tee.....oh wait he instead insists on throwing it up and hitting it like a 'real' baseball player. REMINDER: he is 2. No doubt he will be a phenomenal athlete, right!?

My kids are all so different, but have one thing in common. They are unconditionally loved from their nose to the tips of their toes (and of coarse hair, but it doesn't rhyme). My kids are at the forefront of every choice I make. They are my everything, I have so much to share...not on what is right or wrong, but simply what I have learned through raising these three beauties. I truly believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be. This is something that has taken a VERY LONG time for me to feel at peace about. I am excited to feel ready to share about this....or at least to write about this (again for me and maybe for someone out there). I am blessed...I know that now...

.its about time to share these blessings!

I actually have an excuse...or at least I like to tell myself that

....and his name is jax. Can I be honest? I used to think I was just a super mom...signing my kids up for all these activities, taking time to get on the floor and play, keeping my house clean, cooking home cooked meals, and still having energy at the end of the day. The truth is, I was and am Not a super mom, I was just blessed with some really easy kids.

Hands down, jax has challenged me the most of all of my kids. I know he looks so innocent and cute in this picture, but what you don't see it me dangling a cracker above my head as I attempt to get him to stop screaming and 'half-smile' for the two seconds it takes to snap this picture. Meanwhile that is not a loving hug, that is a death grip to his sister has employed to get the poor child to sit still. 

He has been the most difficult to figure out,to calm, and to 'dare I say...enjoy'. Don't get me wrong, I am truly and undoubtedly head over heels in love, but because of him I know I can go for three days with less than 4 hours of sleep and SURVIVE; because of him i have finally baby proofed my house (isn't that funny that it was only necessary after three kids),and because of him I now have very different priotrities like going to the gym and having a clean house will happen when and OnLY when I can do so without going insane. He has taught me patience, self discipline, and unconditional love. The funny thing is, a few weeks ago he had a fever for 3 days straight and with that he turned into this incredibly cuddly and mellow 10month old, which for anyone who knows jax, this is so not typical! I have to admit despite all the sleepless nights and the constant vigilante he has caused me to have and to be, I missed my old Jackson.  I love love love my crazy, busy babe who is now 11 months old and walking....and will be running any day now. He has learned to give kisses, enjoys playing and eating ALL things, puckers his lips when asked to do his 'funny face', actively plays with his siblings, loves to play hide and seek and throw balls, and is still working on sleeping through the night (ummm yeah this is still a major issue with MR. JaX)

He has changed my whole views of parenting, and I am so grateful that God entrusted his life to me. He is mine forever, and forever I will move forward as a mom in a very different way than I have been doing for the last 6 years before he came a long. Every kid is different, and every day will bring new challenges.

I have a lot on my heart and a lot on my mind. I will continue to use my blog as a source of encouragement for those that read, but also a source of therapy for me as I write. Blog friends, I surely have missed you.

Please if you have stumbled across this blog for the first time or are a returning reader, please take a minute to pray for sweet baby Celia. Her mom is my best friend's little sister. I was just blessed to spend the weekend with Julya and Celia (while she was still roasting in side mama). She was born with an anticipated issue known as Gastroschisis, but is experiencing unforseen and life threatening complications as a result. Her health lays in God's hands, and we are all praying for a miracle. Will you please join us in prayer and visit her blog with some encouraging words for Julya and her husband Alex.

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5 months

As my lovely husband pointed out......jax won't be five months forever, so I better post my update soon.

Can I be honest? One minute, I feel so head over heels in love with this little guy, and then the sun goes down and he frustrates me to no end. He is such a smiley, active little boy during the day, but we are really struggling to get him to sleep through the night....or even just a stretch longer than 3 hours. I have talked to other parents, and apparently this is not all that uncommon to be 5 months and still get up in the middle of the night. Paul and I, however, are not used to this because our other two kids slept through the night starting at 8 weeks and never looked back.

As a vetran mom, I am so mad at myself for my part in his bad sleeping habits. You would think after successfully 'sleep training' my other two that I would surely be a pro.....well, think again! I am too embarrassed to divulge where he sleeps, so we won't go there. I wanted Jackson in our room for at least 4 months, and now that I am finally ready for him to move to his own room he WON"T GO. I am open to suggestions, but let me warn you I have tried it ALL.

And so despite being completely and utterly sleep deprived, we continue to enjoy this dimpled, big eyed, giggly little baby boy:)

4 month Stats

Jackson had his 4 month appointment today and right from the doctor's mouth...

'Jax is perfect'......Well, we sure think so. He are his stats:

weight: 12 lb 3oz (14%)

height: 62.2 cm (37%)

Newest accomplishments: Jax has found his feet, learned to grab for things, learned to roll from his tummy to his back, and surprised us all by rolling ONE TIME from his back to his tummy. He loves to cooo, smile, and belly laugh.

Jackson's Must Have: BLUE BINKY (you are the only one of my kids who loves their binky)

Most Striking Features: Funky hair and big blue eyes

Everyone that meets Jackson is so surprised to learn he is 4 months because he is so tiny, but within minutes they are blown away by his charm, his alertness, and his strength. He is already 'all-boy' and loves to play rough. My favorite thing to do with him is let him sit on my shoulder and count to three then while supporting his head, I let him swing down to the ground. I have never heard a baby laugh so hard! I am loving that his personality is starting to shine through. We just grow more in love with him every day!

A day in the life

The other day, I actually caught myself laughing out loud because of how crazy busy my life has become with three kids....a good kind of crazy, don't get me wrong.....definitely still CRAZY! I just had to record down our day so that one day when my kids are teenagers and driving me 'real-life' crazy then I can look back, smile, and say 'Oh wow, if I can handle what I handled back when they were little, I can handle ANYTHING'. And so here you have it...a day in the life of ME....

3:30am: wake up and give Jax his pacifier hoping for at least one more hour of sleep

4:30am: Thank-you Jax...one hour down and now I am ready to feed you...in bed of coarse

5:30 am: send H back to bed.....way too early budd

7:00am Wake up, get dressed, make bed, start coffee, and feed jax, get Kinley from bed

7:30 am COFFEE, pack Hunter's lunch, start breakfast, change diapers and feed kids

8:30 am Send H off to school, Dress and groom Kinley and dress Jax (not much grooming needed at this age...thank GOD)

9:00 am PUMP and catch up on emails while Kinley watches Dora or reads books (sorry for TMI, but I have actually been asked when do I find time to pump and the answer is, I have to schedule it in to my morning)

9: 30ish, pack kids, grab a quick breakfast (cheese and peanutbutter toast or protein shake) and head to the Gym

10:00- 1130am Feed Jax, work out, and shower or somedays we just go run errands!

1200pm Make lunch, load dishes, and clean kitchen while Jax plays in his seat and Kinley eats.

1230-100pm Play, color, read books

1:00- 3:00pm Floor time with Jax, Catch up on laundry, eat lunch if I could not eat earlier, Feed Jax, put jax down for nap and either make necessary phone calls, shower if I was unable to earlier, or catch a quick nap, as well.

3:00pm Change Kinley, and spend some time cuddling until she is fully awake and not grumpy. Play some more with my babies

4:00PM H gets home from school. Our routine is homework and snack first thing. This works well because part of his nightly HW is to read a book, so we all cuddle up and he reads it aloud while I feed Jax.

445-5:30pm: play until daddy gets home

5:30pm Quick kiss hello to my husband before the kids are demanding his full attention. I run upstairs to make dinner while Paul entertains kids

6-730pm: Set the table, Prayers, Dinner, clean up, baths, pj's on, and teeth brushed. Paul usually rocks Kinley to bed while I read and chat with Hunter.

730-8:00pm: Tell Hunter to go to bed att least 3 more times

8:00pm: feed jax and put him to bed

8-11:00pm. Catch up with Paul about our days, watch TV together or read while he does homework, blog, and plan my day tomorrow. Feed Jax again if he is still awake otherwise PJ's on and lights out for me so I can hopefully get up and do it all again.

And so here you have it....of coarse not everyday runs this smooth. But for the most part, we have a pretty good routine around here. The days also include some tears, tantrums, diaper blow outs...you know the usual stuff! All in all, I am so thankful for this life....my life, and I wouldn't change a thing.

At the end of the day, every sleepless night and stressful moment is all embraces because I get the privilege of being the mommy to these three precious and wonderful kids

the real meaning of Christmas

To Believe or not.....in Santa that is! I always knew without a doubt I would teach my children about Jesus, but I never knew I would struggle so much about whether or not I wanted my kids to believe in Santa. I was raised believing in Santa Clause (in fact I believed until 6th grade....thank-you very much Pop). I just assumed I would not only support my kids believing in Santa, but I would help influence their belief (you know, putting foot prints in the flour/ fake snow by the fire place, taking bites out of the cookies and carrots left for Santa and the reign deer, and of coarse writing the annual letter to my kids).

Well, I still do all of the above.....but what I do not do is initiate daily conversations about Santa. Over the last year or so, my faith in God has grown so much. As it has grown, my biggest desire has been to share my faith and share my love for God with my own children. So as this Christmas season snuck up on me, I have really dealt with some guilt about playing up Santa Clause.

The reason I still do go along with the whole 'Santa Tradition' is because it makes my children giddy with delight every time his name is mentioned, but also because it helps keep me humble. I buy gifts simply because I want my kids to be happy, not so that I can enjoy the thanks that I get from my kids knowing I spent hours finding the right gift. It is not about me. Christmas morning is about my kids, and about seeing their eyes light up at their gifts. Christmas season is about Christ, and about learning his desire for all of us in our own life. He was born for one reason and one reason only.....for all of us! He was born for us, now we need to live for him. That is what I aim to teach my kids this Christmas season. I think believing in Santa is most kids' first exposure to having faith. Faith is believing in something that you can't see. Anytime my oldest starts asking detailed questions about Santa,, I always response with ' well, what do you believe?" or "if you believe than you have to trust that it will all work out". My biggest struggle is that if and when my kids ( I sense the time is coming soon for my oldest) do stop believing in Santa will they also stop believing in God. Because Santa and Jesus come teamed up during Christmas, does this mean in a child's mind when one is not real, then the other is also not real? I would love any advice or helpful tips on how you moms have handled this with your own kids. I think the only thing I can really do is continue to teach my kids about God and all that is good even after the Christmas season.

In the meantime, if we enjoy some stories about Santa and some fun holiday traditions, I know I have still done my part and His will. I hope in the busyness of the holiday season, you can keep the Heart of Christmas alive in your homes. Merry Christmas to all of you and God bless you and your families this new year:)